The transition that accompanies this realization can be difficult, intense and truly painful. It is absolutely normal for caregivers and parents to have a difficult transition and period of adjustment after they learn that their child has a brain injury. Because the realization that the child’s life and your life will forever be changed is real, and it is intense.
Take Time to Grieve
Just as with any loss, whether physical or emotional, it important to realize it as such: a loss. Pain. A hardship.
This does not mean that you are saying that your child is a pain or a loss or a hardship. Your child is still your baby, your gift, and your family. Instead, it is the situation, the breaking of expectations and the difficulty of situations ahead.
Just as with any loss, it is important to take the time you need to feel sadness and grief over the news of your child’s brain injury and what it means for the path ahead. Expression of sadness is both normal and constructive: it is real emotion and feeling that should be expressed.
If sharing these feelings with friends or family is insufficient, reach out to a health care or mental health care professional. They can help you express your feelings outwardly and work through them. All of this is to process your real—and normal—feelings and to forge a path forward in support of both yourself and of your child.
Recognize Your Child’s Strengths and Limitations.
Remind yourself—and your family—that your child is unique among others, and he or she has unique strengths and weaknesses. For some children with brain injuries, the weaknesses will be physical limitations: those of movement, bodily function, and coordination. For others, the weaknesses will be cognitive, including intellectual learning, social interaction and educational development. Recognizing these as real challenges is an important hurdle to overcome emotionally and psychologically, to move forward toward constructively supporting yourself and your family.
But where there are challenges there are also strengths. Perhaps your child with a brain injury is incredibly creative and excels at art, or perhaps he or she has maintained intellectual abilities to learn and thrive in school. As with most children, the kindness, and love that they share with you as their parent or caregiver is strengthening for all they encounter.
It is important to focus on both the weaknesses and the strengths to encourage your child in the ways in which she or he feels confident and strong, as well as building up the ways in which he or she may need additional support.
Focus on Encouraging Your Child to Be His or Her Best Self
In finding this balance between praising strengths and building upon weaknesses, it will come to light that your child’s path is unique, based on his or her abilities and limitations. In this way, it can be too easy to compare your child with others with similar brain injuries: if your child has cerebral palsy, it may be tempting to focus on how your child is better—or worse than other children with cerebral palsy of his or her age. But no one brain injury is exactly alike, and therefore no child with a brain injury is the same. Avoiding comparison with others is essential not only to your mental health, but also to the development of your child’s growth, confidence, and cognitive skills.
Know When—and Where—to Seek Help
When you are the parent of a child with a brain injury or cognitive disability, you may feel very alone. Like you are the only person in the universe who can help your child.
And while you are correct that as a parent or caregiver, you are uniquely positioned to aid the child’s development, there are professionals who are ready and able to assist you in raising your child. Whether it be occupational therapy, medical care, physical therapy, speech therapy or social or psychological support, there are professionals who are specifically trained to support you and your child’s needs. There are also social groups of families similar to yours to talk about issues, daily challenges, tools, and ways to succeed in raising a child with a brain injury. There are also educational programs to train both your child and yourself, about ways to encourage self-care, cognitive development, and social skills.
Talk to your primary care health provider about resources available to you and your child to help build a path toward a healthy, happy, independent life for both you as a caregiver and your child.
