The Natural Instinct for Children to Play Roughly
Just like many animals, humans from infancy use our bodies to learn and to interact with ourselves, our environment and one another. Babies kick and roll and squirm and crawl. They use their limbs to push off from the adult’s body that is holding them, or they hold a finger or buck their heads toward their mother’s chest.
This innate use of our bodies develops as we grow, and this development includes more social interaction. It’s common to see toddlers hugging one another, holding hands, and playing physically. And as toddlers grow into young children, the interactions become increasingly physical and playful: chasing and running, wrestling, swinging, falling, pulling and tagging.
What is “Rough Play”?
As children grow physically and develop a relationship their own selves—both physically and socially—rough play starts to become more apparent in their everyday interactions.
Sometimes children’s physical play is solo: rolling in the grass, swinging from the monkey bars, or pummeling down the playground slide. And typically, this physical play is interactive: children playing with others and involving physical contact, sometimes that is “rough.”
Why Rough Play Is Good for Your Child
Rough play is indeed a valuable and viable part of socialization for young children. They are starting to realize their own bodies, how they move, and their strength and power. This type of playing helps children explore their physical strength, and it can provide an outlet for their energy and emotions. It can also be an outlet for feelings of excitement, frustration, or even anger—which children may not be able to easily express verbally. Therefore, rough play—when under control—can help children understand their bodies and also to process their emotions in a physical way, in a safe setting.
Physical play also allows children to explore social interactions, including the balance and compromise required in relationships and friendships. Children must learn to participate with one another physically, as well as to learn to identify social signals: when it’s ok to play, and when it’s time for the play to come to a stop. The children compromise and change roles, for example at sometimes chasing and at other times being the chaser. Physical play is also beneficial for children’s needs for physical touch, as well as the physical activity required for their physical health and cardiovascular strength.
Misconceptions About Rough Play in Children.
There are many fears and misconceptions about this physical play that many young children seem to crave. Understandably, many parents fear that physical play either is fighting, or at least will lead to aggressive (and non-positive) fighting behavior. And most of all, parents (and teachers) fear that rough, physical play will lead to one child getting hurt.
Many times, children’s rough body play can look like fighting. But many times, it is not, in fact, real fighting: the children are wrestling and interacting consensually and are both enjoying it as a playful interaction.
When Rough Play is Too Rough: Roughhousing vs. Aggression
But it’s difficult for children to realize when the play is getting too rough. So it is up to the adults to know the limits and to set boundaries of rough play interaction, to set social boundaries and to also prevent any child from getting injured.
Children should be taught the differences between activities that are fun, versus those that can hurt people. Using strong words like “dangerous” can be helpful to delineate those activities your child should not do.
And if you see playful roughhousing elevating toward aggression or harmful interaction, tell the child to “stop.” This can be practiced with your child, instructing them that the word “stop” means to halt the physical activity. If the child stops the roughhousing when you instruct him or her to “stop,” then offer them praise and thank them for stopping and following the instruction. Then, in situations when the children may be wound up, and the rough play is increasing to a dangerous level, you can tell him to stop and take a break. When the child is settled down, play can resume.
There are signals for when healthy, rough play is accelerating into aggression. Children typically show certain behaviors that signal that the positive associations of physical play are being outweighed by negative feelings of anger, aggression or harm, such as:
- Sharper movements, such as snatching and grabbing
- Hitting
- Pushing
- Frowning
- Staring or fixating at a person or object
Fighting and negative physical play may escalate to inflicting pain, or the threat of pain. It involves bad touching, harm, and tears instead of laughter. It involves closed fists instead of open palms. It involves tight, constricted faces instead of soft, relaxed expressions. When the play is harmful and aggressive, one child typically tries to run away and escape the situation as soon as he or she can, as opposed to coming back for more physical interaction when the rough play is positive and consensual.
To the contrary, when children are engaging in positive, physical play, their bodies signal this good, consensual interaction, with behaviors such as:
- Showing that they are eager to join and participating voluntarily
- Returning to the play for more interaction and playtime
- Laughing, smiling and acting joyfully
- Acting with “soft” faces, without grimaces or staring
Conclusion
As a parent, or supervisor, of young children, is it important to foster an environment in which rough play is encouraged, but in a safe and in a controlled manner.
Rules can help set expectations for children, and to set boundaries about what is acceptable and fun, and what is dangerous and aggressive. Helpful parents and supervisors can tap into children’s natural empathy and instruct what is enjoyable and happy, versus when another child is sad or physically hurt.
Both boys and girls enjoy the experience of physical, rough body play. And once you, as a parent, are able to recognize the signals of what is safe and enjoyable, you can feel better yourself in allowing and supporting rough play as a part of your child’s natural growth and development.
